Imagine you are a 3 year-old, and your parents have just told you that Santa Claus is in fact a drunk burglar with paedophilic inclinations.
Whatever feelings this mental simulation has brought on (ie. horror, shock, despair and suicidal thoughts. Although, hopefully, suicidal 3 year-olds are rare. And if the emotions I have mentioned did not occur to you, then you are a weirdo), that is what I am feeling right now.
Because I have just discovered something that should never have been discovered by any human being.
I have found out... that Jelly Babies are not in fact Jelly Babies.
No.
Jelly Babies are...
I don't think I can even speak/type it; the awful truth is just too shuddersome.
But I must.
So. Jelly Babies are... are... are...
Oh come on I can do this!!!!
JELLY BABIES ARE BALDING PREGNANT LADIES WITH GIGANTIC BREASTS AND FOOD POISONING.
...
I know.
It is despicable.
Proof in this photo (courtesy of me):
See ???????? SEE WHAT I SEE NOW ?????
I am sorry that your life has just been ruined by my glorious self/Haribo but that is the reality we must now face.
Who would've thought that the cuddly Winnie The Pooh-like creature on the front of the Haribo Kiddies' Supermix packet would LIE to us that way?
Evil, EVIL Haribo...
I SHALL GET YOU FOR THIS! One day.
Or maybe not. I'll just weep and eat some more Jelly Babies.
(I do realise that the last couple of posts have been slightly random in nature. That is to be expected as I am student and it is the end of the week, hence I am sleepy/hyperactive/whatever.)
Copyright © Caffeine Bubbles, 12 Feb 2010, Warwickshire, UK
3 comments:
Jelly babies? Never seen one.
Or maybe I did a couple of weeks ago. :-)
...WITH GIGANTIC BREASTS...
Where? That really caught my attention.
Hillblogger: Jelly Babies (or what Haribo CLAIMS are Jelly Babies) are EVERYWHERE.
Beach Bum: See picture! Click to enlarge
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