#13 Eyebrow-Less Men With No Hair ©

About a month ago, my friend Token Science Nerd announced that he would be ridding his scalp of hair and his face of eyebrows to protest against the University's controversial Life Sciences merger.

Unwilling to accept the fact that TSN would take such a drastic measure, and unsure as to why in the name of Richard Dawkins anyone would mutilate their looks in such a manner, I laughed. I dismissed the idea and forgot about it.

That is, until one fateful April morning, two weeks ago, when I received a text from my other friend (I have lots of friends, yes) Miss Smiley Face:

"Oh my god. TSN has just shaved off all his hair and eyebrows. It's all over Facebook."

I was stunned. Although I had known that it was in TSN's capacity to do something so frightful, I hadn't actually thought that he would GO AHEAD AND DO IT. I mean, shaving your hair off, I understand. Britney did it, so it's cool.





But SHAVING OFF YOUR EYEBROWS?

WHY WHY WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT ???

There has been quite a hype around TSN at Uni. Well yeah, it's not everyday you see an integrally hairless blob walking around campus.

Intrigued, I therefore decided to investigate the reason and circumstances of his sacrificial deed. Why DID TSN rid his head of hair?

Caffeine Bubbles: So, Token Science Nerd, where has all your hair gone?!

Token Science Nerd: I shaved it all off, I'm afraid.

CB: But... but... Why?

TSN: In protest of the merger between the Department of Biological Sciences with the Horticultural Research Institute. The merger is a justifiable attempt at cost-saving which goes way too far, conducted in a destructive manner that exaccerbates the inevitable problems you get when you drive off a large number of staff.

CB: Why is it destructive?

TSN: The University has threatened to outright sack over 30 staff in the Biology Department and HRI. The undergrads aren't going to realise what's going on until it's too late, so I felt the need to attempt to get them involved, while also demonstrating the folly of cutting too much and expecting nobody to notice the difference.

CB: Wow, that's a cleverly symbolic gesture. So what actions has the uni taken so far? Has anyone actually been sacked yet?

TSN: In the week before the third term started, all the staff got told whether they were safe, or 'at risk'. Those 'at risk' have a choice between leaving voluntarily, or fighting for their jobs. If they fail, they will be sacked. Over 30 are 'at risk', around 1/3 of the current staff across the two departments.

CB: How would Life Sciences undergrads be affected by that measure?

TSN: Staff in the department still have to conduct research, run the place, support all the current and incoming research students, and teach the modules they have advertised. The more people we lose, the fewer people there will be to share that burden. Furthermore, everyone is having to do more teaching even if they have no experience. We can predict a general reduction in teaching quality at least over the next two years.

CB: So basically you're saying that Life Sciences undergrads will suffer from a lack of teaching personnel and a degradation of teaching quality. That's quite uncool. Tell me, what were you hoping to achieve by shaving off your hair and eyebrows ?

TSN: Shock people into reading up on it! I don't think anyone can doubt how sincere our concerns are. I hope they will become more supportive of the staff, and more criticial of the situation. I want people to get to know their rights as students here, and find out how they can sort out the problems we are predicting.

CB: What kinds of reactions have you been getting from students and staff?

TSN: Shock, amusement and support. A lot of people, even those who think it's a bit silly, seem impressed. I think we are achieving our aims of getting people more interested.

CB: What's the funniest thing someone's said to you about your new look??

TSN: I found it amusing that everyone in the Union has said I look like Tommo [Ed: epic former Student Union President... no hair or eyebrows] ... except for one person who said I looked like a more handsome Tommo.

CB: HAHAHAHA. Who said that?

TSN: Hehe, never you mind.

CB: FINE. So do you miss your hair and eyebrows?

TSN: I miss my eyebrows. Part of the point I wanted to make was that if you take away too much, you lose the character of what you started with. I think I made that point with the eyebrows. The character of the two departments is being obliterated, and it seems unlikely that we will have anything worthy of Warwick when the merger is finalised.

CB: Any regrets?

TSN: Worth it.

CB: By the way, please don't be offended if I happen to compare you to Uncle Fester in my article.

TSN: Haha, that's a new one, it really is. I've mostly been getting "skinhead", "slaphead", "cancer patient", "war criminal"... "Tommo"...

I've always thought that wanting to look like Uncle Fester from the Addams Family is really rather crazy (well, OK, I'd never really thought about it until TSN's stunt).

But after my informative chat with TSN, I realised that he did it not as a whim, but as a quasi-altruistic symbolic gesture to uphold students' rights to a good-quality education. Indeed, TSN is a young man who firmly believes in his convictions and is not scared to express his views in the most original (sometimes shocking) ways.

I guess all we can do now is wait for his eyebrows to grow back.

Which might take a while.

Copyright © Caffeine Bubbles, 4 May 2010, Warwickshire, UK