A summer internship is a great opportunity for university students. You get to explore the workings of the professional world, you begin to make a name for yourself, and most importantly of all, you earn dosh that you can splash out on that BMW you've always dreamed of.
Or on a pony.
Errmm... This just came up when I typed 'cute pony' into Google Images... :
WHAT THE...?
But I digress.
SO. INTERNSHIPS. Basically, you get to do something other than lying in bed all summer watching old episodes of The Hills wearing your Snoopy pyjamas while eating deep-fried Oreos.
But when you realise that you are somewhat over-qualified for some of the stuff you're doing, like organising business cards by alphabetical order or labelling files, things turn to snot.
You try to find ways to attenuate the boredom, one of which is purging your anguish through writing. Normal people use a private journal. But as you may have guessed, I'm not exactly normal. I use email.
From: Caffeine Bubbles
To: Caffeine Bubbles' Colleague
Subject: This Is The Story Of How Caffeine Bubbles... Went Mad
« I am so bored, » typed Caffeine Bubbles into Microsoft Word in a cathartic attempt to express her agony. Having finished most of the work she had to do for the day within the first hour she got to the office, she now had practically nothing to do, except for a bit of research on the Treaty of Lisbon. In the past hour and forty-four minutes, she’d tried to find multiple ways of entertaining herself, including spinning around in her chair until she felt dizzy, throwing paper balls into a bin, making a cup of organic green tea every fifteen minutes, using the labeling machine to print out "Caffeine Bubbles is very bored" labels, and other fascinating things.
The internet was now proving to be troublesome, refusing to load various pages that were necessary for her mental well-being, namely the BBC news website, Youtube and Facebook, and for her job, namely the EU Commission webpage.
“MOVE YOUR FAT ASS,” scream-whispered Caffeine Bubbles at her computer as she repeatedly hit the screen with a purple ruler she’d found on the floor. You might have guessed that she couldn’t really allow herself to audibly yell at the PC, as not only would it hinder the work of various executives working down the corridor but it would also make them think she was completely insane, resulting in a loss of career brownie points (for Caffeine Bubbles was no Ulysses – she WANTED a job).
So instead she resorted to scream-whispering -- the action of whispering something that could sound like a scream were it amplified on a super-powerful megaphone -- at various objects which were unfortunate enough to cross her path, such as a rubber, a phone-book, a phone, and the gateway to the alleviation of her suffering: the DELL computer. But the DELL computer would not budge and a brutal sign lit up the screen: “INTERNAL PORTAL ERROR”.
“AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH,” scream-whispered Caffeine Bubbles once more as she typed this into Microsoft Word. “This is horrendous! I can’t get on with doing research for my EU Commission magazine and I can’t even watch stupid Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly videos in order to instill feelings of ardent cynicism and anger at bigotry in this mind-numbingly bored skull of mine!”
Two hours later, my email had unfortunately been forwarded to all the executives in the office to make them understand they weren't keeping me busy enough. Well apparently, they appreciate my honesty, and will do their best to give me more business cards to organise by alphabetical order, and more ink toners to stock up in the supply room.
(Note to self: stick to scream-whispering)
Copyright © Caffeine Bubbles, Brussels 23/07/08
2 comments:
A thriller :-)))
Therde is no such thing as a secret once you have told one other person. This is the rule of the human office jungle. Be glad to learn early. Relations are the worst and evil dad's are the worst relations.
signed evil andrew
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