#18 Hairdressers Are Psychos ©

Do not trust hairdressers. Hairdressers are evil psychos. The lot of them.

Here is a transcript of the dialogue which took place at my hair salon this morning. (I may have paraphrased a bit for the purpose of accuracy.)

Caffeine Bubbles: Good morning, O beautiful hairdresser. I'm so sorry to bother you on this lovely day but -

Evil Psychopatic Hairdresser: WHADDAYAWANT.

CB: Well I was just wondering if I could please have a haircut if that's OK? I'm sure you must be very busy, so I understand if you don't have time, it's just -

EPH: WHADDAYAWANT.

CB: Could you please cut off 5cm? Observe my really long brunette-Blake-Lively-meets-Penelope-Cruz hair [cue millions of multicoloured butterflies and soft violins as CB's beautiful mane is softly rustled by the wind]. I want it to remain that way, just 5cm shorter.

EPH: RIGHT YEAH. 5CM. NOT 20CM.

CB: That's right. Thank you so much for your understanding, you are a wonderful, talented human being with so much kindness in your heart.

EPH: I UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY. [unsettling psychopathic smile as EPH holds up a shiny pair of lacerated scissors]

She cut off 20cm.

Me before

+

Me now

Well, sort of.

*blink*

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

It is as though part of my soul has been ripped from me. Life will NEVER be the same again! Indeed, I am facing a bad hair year!!!!!!

(Note to self: in the future, cut your hair yourself.)

Copyright © Caffeine Bubbles, 31 August 2010, Brussels

#17 Blank Space © Caffeine Bubbles

I thought the title of this article was super awesome and indie and cool until I realised the song by The XX that I was trying to make a pun out of was NOT called "Blank Space" but is in fact called Basic Space. Yeah. I'm a failure at life.

ANYWAY.

This article could be about The XX (following an email conversation with my friend Miss Smiley Face about the sexual innuendoes in the first track of their album) but... IT IS NOT.

The purpose of this article is to commiserate the fact that you all desperately miss me due to my extended hiatus from angry blogging. Seriously, sunning yourself on the beach with your friends all summer doesn't leave much room for mocking stuff. I've tried to antagonise people by doing my Nelson-from-The-Simpsons laugh at their failed prowesses but finding stuff to make fun of outside of uni is pretty hard. 

It's not that easy poking fun at your dad's cooking. Or at your dog.

Or your mum's choice of footwear.

But do not despair! For I will begin to write again at some point in my life if I don't find anything more interesting to do, like practising fitting my foot in my nostril (oh wait, I already do that). Indeed once back at uni (my main source of blogging inspiration), I will begin to get angry at stuff again. 'Whehay,' I hear you rejoice, 'My life has no meaning without you, Caffeine Bubbles!'

So... expect lots of angry stuff about things normal people don't get angry about, like:

- your mum,

- fluffy bunnies,

- trees,

- Mickey Mouse,

- hot guys (except hot guys don't really make me angry. Unless they knock on my bedroom door every morning dressed in a sparkly Tinky Winky costume and do the Chicken Dance for an hour while singing the Macarena. That'd just make me sneeze my brain out of my face)

Also, I may be getting a new camera (but probably not) so expect lots of inappropriate photos of random things/people that I stalk from behind dumpsters (but chances are I'll actually splash all my money on make-up, clothes and chocolate so don't count on it).

Copyright © Caffeine Bubbles, Brussels 27/08/10