This is bad. REALLY bad.
Almost as bad as when Darth Vador falls to his knees screaming "NOOOOO!" at the end of "Revenge of the Sith" when he finds out Padmé is dead.
(Babies are gross.)
Actually no, that was a terrible example. I should've picked the scene in which Anakin Skywalker has all his hair burnt off after turning all evil, making him look seriously unattractive in a Captain-Picard-from-Star-Trek kind of way.
Except worse. Picard is a bad example. Not that I find him attractive.
No. Seriously. I don't.
I do not have a crush on Captain Picard from Star Trek if that's what you're thinking.
Why are you all looking at me funny?
Stop that.
WHY ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME FUNNY????? HUH???? HUH?????? ARRRGGGHHHH!
(must remember to take medicated pills after this.)
(Joke.)
So, going back to our hairless Anakin Skywalker.
Wo. I just typed "bald and famous" in Google Images and this also came up:
Uncle Fester from the Addams Family
And this:
Britney Spears Looking Like An Angry Pooch
I think I prefer that one. Makes a more viable comparison with Anakin. Also because it was the most unflattering picture of her I could find on the page. Sorry, Brit.
But I'VE DIGRESSED.
Why was I showing you pictures of famous bald people in the first place????
Ah yes. Because I was comparing Anakin Skywalker to ugly/famous bald people, because I was going to use the bald Anakin Skywalker analogy to refer to the REALLY BAD THING I am going to tell you about.
So.
Yes.
This is bad.
So bad it makes me want to cry.
Almost as bad as when Bambi's mum dies.
That was a depressing scene. Talk about child trauma. For all we know we might have homicidal psychos walking the earth due to Disney's "Bambi".
Like Patrick Bateman. (Remember?)
Detective: "Why did you murder Paul Allen?"
Patrick Bateman: "Because Bambi's mum died."
Did Bambi even exist in the 1980s? I don't know.
And why is Bambi even called Bambi? That's a stupid name. Why didn't Disney opt for something a bit less silly?
Like Ernie.
Or Herbert.
Herbert sounds cool.
I used to think Bambi was a girl. They really don't make it clear in the film that he's not. Think about it.
But once again I have digressed.
So.
That REALLY bad thing.
It's terrible. It's absolutely awful.
I even think we should have two minutes' silence considering the gravity of the situation.
So. I will say it.
No, I CAN'T!
It's almost as bad as the Jelly Baby Crisis.
OK. Fine, if you insist.
The really bad thing is that ...
...
... I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS ARTICLE SHOULD BE ABOUT.
I weep to think of this situation. It is horrendously horrendous. (redundant polyptotons are awesome)
I shall sleep on it. And I will let you know. Soon. Maybe.
If you have any suggestions, do let me know.
(although actually, I've already thought of several topics for the next posts. Just felt like wasting precious minutes of your life. MWAHAHA. I am EE-VILLE. So yes. Suggestions.)
Copyright © Caffeine Bubbles, 25 Feb 2010, Warwickshire, UK