It is a glorious sunny Sunday today (Nb. My use of alliteration/polyptoton here is astounding) and I think to myself, "Gee, what a glorious sunny Sunday it is, today. Why don't I call some of my friends so that we can run about and be merry?" (Except without the "Gee" bit because that would be weird).
So I call my friends.
They are all pretty much busy.
Because you know what? It has slipped out of my brain and fallen to the ground in a giant pile of green snot that today... is Valentine's Day.
Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggghhhh.
And yes, they are all with their respective boyfriends/girlfriends doing what couples do on Valentine's Day. Ugh.
No, I do not believe in the common conception of Valentine's Day (Do you even know who St Valentine was? Do you even know that there were several St Valentines? Do you even know that the said St Valentines were Roman martyrs? Do you even know that Feb 14th is not only a feast that celebrates those martyrs, but is also the anniversary of their burials? Huh? Huh????? Try eating those chocolates and sniffing those roses now.)
So fine, today I am friendless. I decide to make some music and do a bit of work, and talk to other friendless people who can't be bothered to move/see other humans today.
But even in my student house, the sickliness of Valentine's Day will not let me be.
Because there are couples in my house. And they are being chirpy and loud.
Fine! I play Test Icicles on full volume. (Click on the link. Look at the YouTube logo... It will not leave us, will it?).
But I am soon told to "turn it down".
Why should I, when they're being annoying and loud and sounding like really bad immitations of Tinky Winky?
"Because we would like some peace and quiet today."
Oh yeah? Why today? Has our house become a Valentine's Day Couple Dictatorship?
"No. But please?"
Fine. I turn the Test Icicles off and put on some Mazzy Star.
Now I have resorted to watching stupid Glenn Beck videos and eating GARLIC BREAD.
I can't believe that it has come to this. I am spending my Sunday with Paul Giamatti In A Blonde Wig (courtesy of Charlie Brooker) munching on stinky breath food.
Glenn Beck
Paul Giamatti In A Blonde Wig (Google Images has no decent photos of Paul Giamatti without glasses or a beard or a blonde wig. You might have to Google further or use your imagination a bit.)
DAMN YOU HALLMARK!
Several people have sent me angry messages about my first post, Valentine's Day and Those Stupid Teddy Bears. I KNOW Valentine's Day is based on a 5 million year-old Roman ritual of hitting women's breasts with bits of dead goats.
Regardless, Hallmark are responsible for making billions of people feel miserable on that one day of the year. Or maybe that one day of the year plus three hundred and sixty four other days. Poor sods.
So I call my friends.
They are all pretty much busy.
Because you know what? It has slipped out of my brain and fallen to the ground in a giant pile of green snot that today... is Valentine's Day.
Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggghhhh.
And yes, they are all with their respective boyfriends/girlfriends doing what couples do on Valentine's Day. Ugh.
No, I do not believe in the common conception of Valentine's Day (Do you even know who St Valentine was? Do you even know that there were several St Valentines? Do you even know that the said St Valentines were Roman martyrs? Do you even know that Feb 14th is not only a feast that celebrates those martyrs, but is also the anniversary of their burials? Huh? Huh????? Try eating those chocolates and sniffing those roses now.)
So fine, today I am friendless. I decide to make some music and do a bit of work, and talk to other friendless people who can't be bothered to move/see other humans today.
But even in my student house, the sickliness of Valentine's Day will not let me be.
Because there are couples in my house. And they are being chirpy and loud.
Fine! I play Test Icicles on full volume. (Click on the link. Look at the YouTube logo... It will not leave us, will it?).
But I am soon told to "turn it down".
Why should I, when they're being annoying and loud and sounding like really bad immitations of Tinky Winky?
"Because we would like some peace and quiet today."
Oh yeah? Why today? Has our house become a Valentine's Day Couple Dictatorship?
"No. But please?"
Fine. I turn the Test Icicles off and put on some Mazzy Star.
Now I have resorted to watching stupid Glenn Beck videos and eating GARLIC BREAD.
I can't believe that it has come to this. I am spending my Sunday with Paul Giamatti In A Blonde Wig (courtesy of Charlie Brooker) munching on stinky breath food.
Glenn Beck
Paul Giamatti In A Blonde Wig (Google Images has no decent photos of Paul Giamatti without glasses or a beard or a blonde wig. You might have to Google further or use your imagination a bit.)DAMN YOU HALLMARK!
Several people have sent me angry messages about my first post, Valentine's Day and Those Stupid Teddy Bears. I KNOW Valentine's Day is based on a 5 million year-old Roman ritual of hitting women's breasts with bits of dead goats.
Regardless, Hallmark are responsible for making billions of people feel miserable on that one day of the year. Or maybe that one day of the year plus three hundred and sixty four other days. Poor sods.
Copyright © Caffeine Bubbles, 14 Feb 2010, Warwickshire, UK
2 comments:
Excellent piece, dearie! How did V day go?
Hillblogger: I pretty much summed up V day. Although I did eventually hang out with a buddy and our best friends (pizza, video games and DVDs).
Received something from another friend, who understood my vision of V Day, thus the present was handmade. MWAHAHA HALLMARK GOT OWNED.
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